We are just enjoying our sweet baby over here. It still doesn't seem real. Last night I sat on the couch and cried just looking at him. How did we do this? 8 years ago we met...almost 3 years ago we married...10 months ago we found out I was pregnant...and here we are. It just doesn't seem real.
We were talking about how each day we get to know him a little better. He is one of us.
Its nice to say, "oh right after he eats he likes to look around and just take it all in for a bit." "After that he will go to sleep." "When he sleeps he makes the cutest little faces, like the one where he raises his eyebrows and looks so concerned." "When he stretches his legs out he is about to poop."
Joey and I were on a walk with him and talking about how perfect he is. Joey said something about how he has literally never done anything wrong. Then we got into the conversation about how we are all human and born with sin...that is why we need God. No, Shepherd has not sinned, but he is human and is born with sin. As a Christian, I hope and pray my son will sooner rather than later know how important accepting Christ is and make that decision on his own. I pray Joey and I will be good examples of Christ's love.
But...for now he is just a sweet angel.
Who prefers his momma and daddy over anybody else.
Depends on his momma for milk.
Relaxes the most when his daddy holds him.
I cannot get enough.
Daddy's shoulder is much more enjoyable than that stinky stroller!
I promise to resume blogging once I don't feel like I've been run over by a truck. (Kidding...kind of)
I can't wait to share Shepherd's birth story. He was induced but ended up being born via C-Section.
I can't wait to share all the details of our hospital stay. It was wonderful.
I can't wait to share all the details of his first days at home, and how happy I am that his Daddy gets to be home with me. I am going to have to learn how to change a diaper eventually but for now we will let Daddy do it. ;)
I can't wait to share all about breastfeeding and the best 10 minutes of my entire life when Shepherd finally latched on for the first time.
I can't wait to share a million pictures of this precious angel that somehow looks just like his momma with all of my recessive genes. How did I manage that??
I can't wait to share all of these things because this blog is Shepherd's baby book and I want him to have this to look back on and know how completely in love with him we are.
But for now all I want to do is not miss a single second of snuggling a teeny tiny baby, looking into his big blue eyes, watching him curl up with his daddy...
My maternity leave starts today. I have the day to myself to relax and rest and get ready for what is about to happen. I am being induced tonight and I am soooo anxious. I really don't ever feel nervous, I just always have anxiety. I don't like waiting for something to happen, I just want it to happen and deal with it. We are scheduled to be at the hospital at 8pm. At that time they will put a gel on my cervix to get it "ripe and ready" (TMI?) and in the morning they will start pitocin to induce contractions. I am resisting my urge to google all of this, and to look up negative side effects. Why would I want to do that? Joey says I prepare for every possible worst outcome, and he is right. I don't like the unknown. I can't help it! I have to remind myself that if I worry about something, then it happens, I've had to live it twice.
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Today I slept as late as I could, then got up and had breakfast. I've been very emotional all day. As soon as I woke up and saw all of the text messages and facebook posts I had, I just started crying before I even got out of bed. I am so thankful to have so many people who love us and love Shepherd already. I'm so blessed to have people in my life who PRAY. I know the power of prayer, I have seen it work and make a difference. I feel better knowing people are not just thinking about us, but asking God to watch over us.
My entire life I've thought about what this would be like. Going through pregnancy and having children. I'm thankful I've had 8 years with Joey, to enjoy each other. We have been married almost 3 years and I know we are ready for this. We are going from 2 to 3, and it will never be the same. I can't imagine all of the joy Shepherd will bring to our lives.
Last night we went to Cheddars for dinner. My favorite meal right now is their spinach dip and croissants that we share for an appetizer, and then I have grilled fish tacos, and take little swigs of Joey's coke (I don't order one for myself so I won't drink too much caffeine!) Then we went on an hour long walk, still hoping Shepherd might decide to come on his own.
This is me before our walk:
Today is my sweet sister's birthday. It is a long way off but I already can't wait for Shepherd to have a sibling. I can't imagine life without Hallie. Love you sister!
I was praying Tuesday night and thinking about pregnancy and being Shepherd's mother and relating it to being a child of God. Pregnancy is hard work. How can anyone who has gone through it not believe in God? My best friends dad told her that you never rely on God more than after you have children, because you realize you really have no control, it is all up to Him.
I do not know how to make a baby. Only God knows how to make a baby. I haven't done anything special, my body has done it all on its own. It just knows what to do, and God created that. It all works so intricately well.
I was thinking about how as a mother, I love Shepherd completely and unconditionally. No matter what he does in life, I am on his side. All of these past 9 (10!) months are already worth it and he isn't even here yet. I thought about how the only thing I would want back from him, is for him to grow up into a good man and be happy and reach his full potential.
God didn't just create mankind, he knows each and every one of us. He created me, Jessica, and there is no one else like me. He created my body and mind, He created my talents, my beliefs, my emotions, my strengths, my weaknesses. Part of who I am is Rick and Jennifer's daughter, Hallie's sister, Joey's wife and now Shepherd's mother. God didn't just create me without a plan. He knows every day of my life. I never understood "free will" until now. I used to think, "how can I have free will if God already knows what I'm going to do?"
Just like God didn't create me without a purpose and a plan, I'm doing the same thing for Shepherd. Joey and I know what we want for Shepherd. We know what we want to teach him, what we hope he does in life. But even though I'll probably think so many times that I know best, I don't ever want to control Shepherd. I want him to make his own decisions, be his own person, make his own mistakes. I just hope he learns from me and Joey and respects us.
God gave us free will. He is all-knowing so he knows every day of our lives. God of course wants us to accept him, to learn from him, to live life for His glory. He wants me to use the talents He gave me, He wants me to use what I've gone through in life to share with others about Him. But he is not controlling me. I've never felt controlled by being a Christian. I've felt my conscious, I've felt his voice, but I make my own decisions. Each of our lives are up to us. I know my best life will come from following His direction.
I'm thankful for my personal relationship with Christ, I'm thankful for parents who took me to church and who I saw praying and reading their Bibles. Having that just made it easier for me. I'm thankful for parents and grandparents who were praying for my future husband. I'm already praying for Shepherd's future wife and whoever her parents are and where they are right now. I don't think my life really started until I accepted Christ and became a Christian. I accepted Christ at 10 years old and was baptized then, but I don't think it all really sunk in until I was about 16. My biggest prayer for Shepherd is that he finds a relationship with God early, so he can start living!
I'll end this rambling by sharing a letter my husband wrote to Shepherd.
Thank you Lord for a husband who will be a good Daddy!
I seriously can't imagine going through all of this without him. I haven't lifted a finger in 9 months ;)
Today is the BIG DAY. Jess and I are ready to enter a new chapter in our lives and I can't wait to meet the star character! We've been soo blessed with such amazing family and friends supporting us along the way, this little guy doesn't know how lucky he is! I wrote this letter to Shepherd a few weeks ago and while he may never read it, I'll think of it often to make sure I hold myself accountable and give him everything I promised, and hopefully more.
I found it very difficult to find the right words to say to you, someone that I’ve never met, yet love so much. I’m so nervous, it’s as if I’ve been holding my breath for 9 months. Every day I ask your Mom if you’re moving around “enough” and I’ve been praying for you day and night since I found out you were on the way. You’ll be here any day now and my life will be forever changed for the better; I’m so excited, over the moon actually. I’m looking forward to meeting you and helping you on your journey to become the man I already know you can be; a kind man, full of integrity, compassion and the ability to laugh at yourself. A confident man that doesn’t judge others and is respectful of women. There is a truckload of things I want to teach you, things that we can learn together, and I'm sure you'll teach me just as much! I know that God made me the man I am, gave me the life that I’ve lived with the struggles I’ve faced, for you. I hope that I can help you to know that God and I love you unconditionally...always, and that it’s OK to fail and to cry. That being nice to people is invaluable and that it’s OK to be silly. I want you to be confident and happy, generous and loyal. I want you to tell the truth and keep promises, dream the biggest dreams and be a good friend. I can’t wait to teach you how to tie your shoes, ride a bike, give a firm hand shake, and more importantly a great hug! I look forward to teaching you how to throw a ball, swing a tennis racquet and give you the confidence to show the world your dance moves. I want you to know how important it is to have good manners, be a gentleman and to always do what is right, even when it’s difficult. I want you to be the type of man that other men respect, women are comfortable around and a leader that people follow because they want to. I want to teach you how to appropriately handle your anger, manage your finances, and the importance of being a good listener. I am looking forward to teaching you to cook, shave, have fun, tie a tie, shoot a free throw, cut the grass, work hard, change a tire, cherish your family, love life, respect your mother, be a spiritual leader, a lifelong learner and a man of God. Most important, I hope that I can teach you how to live, by giving you a strong example to follow. I know that being your father will make me a better man and I can’t wait to be your dad for the rest of my life!
I officially have an induction scheduled for Wednesday night at 8pm!! I really wanted Shepherd to come on his own (and am still praying that happens) but more than that I do not want a C-section. I want to hold my sweet baby as soon as he gets here, so my doctor gave me the option and I decided on an induction. Wednesday I will be 39 weeks and she said if I wait any longer than that he will probably be too big for me to birth. I am pretty petite and we are expecting a big baby!
So if all goes as planned, I should have Shepherd on May 10th.
The induction is scheduled for 8pm on May 9th, but I'm assuming it will be a long process and he won't be here until Thursday. Although if it was quick and he got here on May 9th he would get to share his birthday with my little sister!
I'm starting to get a little nervous about the labor and delivery. I'm scared of the pain!
But I am definitely ready to NOT be pregnant. The past few weeks have worn.me.out.
I told my mom today I have a new appreciation for her and there is really no way to ever thank your mom enough for all she went through to get you here!
Tomorrow is my last day of work. I am taking Wednesday to relax and rest and just prepare myself for labor and delivery. What does one do on the day they know they are having a baby?!
After my 37 Week update, I just want to share my good news.
At our last appointment my doctor was concerned that I had something called cholestasis, which would be a risk for the baby and cause for me to be induced early.
After much waiting and anticipating and multiple calls to my doctor, I finally got the results back from my blood work.
Happy to say, everything was normal, and I do not have cholestasis!!
No induction needed!! Thank the Lord for answered prayers :)
Now all we have to do is wait for Shepherd to come on his own! Not that this has stopped Joey and I from taking nightly walks to hopefully get him on his way ;)
I have a feeling he could come this weekend.
There is a "supermoon" this Friday. More than just a full moon, it is the biggest full moon of the year.
Maybe that will kick start labor??
It is supposed to rain and storm all weekend, which I've heard can induce labor.
Shepherd has consistently been measuring 9-10 days ahead of schedule, which would make his "due date" May 6th or 7th
Mother's intuition. I have always said his birthday would be May 7th so he could share it with my late Grandma.
We go to the doctor again tomorrow for our 38 week appointment. I am having a non-stress test done. Maybe we will see some progress!
I had this idea to make Shepherd a book of all of his family members. I love how it turned out! So colorful and fun. I know he will love to look at it and point out each person. I dedicated each page to a different family member, starting with Mommy and Daddy!
This is an 8x8 hardback that I ordered from Shutterfly!
I plan on making more of these in the future! How fun would it be to make up a story about him and turn it into a book? Or take pictures from a vacation and have written down all of the fun things we did?
At work last week my co-workers threw me a shower, with the theme being BOOKS! Shepherd got so many books to read, it was perfect.
On that note, I wanted to share the link to this list I found.
The orange and white chevron print was a labor of love!! I wanted something orange in the room and had the idea to paint chevron stripes on a canvas. Surprise, surprise, it was NOT an easy task! My impatient pregnant self could not take it, but luckily my husband didn't give up! He taped it off perfectly (the hardest part!) then painted in the orange.
Can't wait to rock my baby in this chair!
This quote is from our song, which is Dave Barnes "Until You."
The elephant bust was another labor of love, that fortunately my husband was patient enough to see through! This guy came in about a million tiny cardboard pieces and 4 total instructions.
Another DIY project: Shepherd's dresser/changing table. We had something like this in mind and didn't want to spend a lot of money. Joey found this guy at the Salvation Army, brought it home and cleaned and refinished it. He is pretty handy!
These sheets kept me up at night! I didn't know what I wanted for the crib, but I knew I would know when I found it! After much searching, I found these at Pottery Barn Kids!
I love these burp cloths so much I probably will just look at them and use them for decoration :)
Not sure what this guy's purpose is supposed to be, but we found it to be the perfect doorstop!
That wooden sword over the door is Joey's from when he was a little boy. His grandad carved it for him out of wood and smeared blackberries on it as pretend blood. If you look closely you can see where Joey's little sister used a sharpie to write her name on it...Catlyn aka Caitlyn! So sweet. I love pieces that tell a story :)