Our Song

When I was in high school, way before I met Joey, I was obsessed with the Dave Barnes song, Until You.  I printed out the lyrics and had them folded up in my wallet and would read them and think about my future husband.  Cheese-y!!!  A couple of weeks ago I was cleaning out a closet and found a bag of things from high school and found the paper I had in my wallet!!
Here it is (Instagramed for prettiness of course!)

When I met Joey I told him this was my favorite song and he downloaded it immediately and would pick me up for dates and have it playing when I got in the car, trying to impress me.
Well, this became our song and it has been so perfect over the years!!

A few months before we got engaged, Dave released a slow version.  It was playing in the background when Joey got on one knee and that is the image I will forever have in my head when I hear the slow version.

Dave has so many other good songs, that he was basically the only thing heard during our wedding ceremony.  My bridesmaids walked down the aisle to his song called, "I Have and Always Will."
Every time I hear it, I remember exactly how I felt in the back of that church, standing with my dad, waiting for my turn to walk down the aisle.  I was so anxious and wanted that darn song to be over so I could get on with it!! 
When it was my turn to walk down the aisle, I walked down to another Dave song, "On a Night Like This."  I had it timed out perfectly, that the ushers opened the doors to me and my dad as soon as he started singing.  Again, its so crazy how a song can make you feel exactly how you felt at a different moment!!  I'm so glad I didn't have traditional instrumental music during our wedding.

At the reception, our first dance was of course to Until You.

When we started planning the nursery we tried to decide if we wanted words on the wall.  That is so popular right now, but we didn't want to do something typical, if we were going to have a wall decal, it needed to be special to us.  Joey had the idea of using these lyrics from "Until You."  
I can't imagine anything more perfect!!

Now I sing this song to rock my sweet baby to sleep!

Here is the slowed down version, if you'd like to listen.
You Tube the original too!

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Words of wisdom can be found in the most unlikely of places.
In yesterdays case, it was on a bumper sticker on the back of some ghetto guys Cadillac in a skanky neighborhood.

Don't you love this quote:

Don't believe everything you think.

I thought it was nice.
Sometimes you need to get out of your own head.
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1 Month

Yesterday was Shepherd's 1 month birthday.
Time goes too fast!!  Can't he just stay a baby forever??
Right now I'm watching him wiggle around in his crib.  About this time every morning he is really active and likes to entertain himself for awhile.  The past month has been a huge adjustment period, trying to figure out life with a baby.  But I have literally never in my life felt such complete joy.  Sometimes I think my heart might just break from so much joy.  I never want to put him down.  When he is asleep, I miss him.  Sometimes when he is awake I miss him!  
The day I had Shepherd I instantly changed.  I grew up so much.  With him, I immediately felt so much responsibility, but felt so much confidence in myself that I could handle it. I'm his mom, so I know best! ;)

Here is a little something I put together for him.  I plan to do this every month to record all of his milestones, and after that every year.

And here are some of my most favorite pictures of our first month with Shepherd.

Happy One Month Birthday, Shepherd Nash. I love you!
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shepherd nash's birth story

I really did not want a C-section for two reasons.  First, I wanted to hold Shepherd immediately and knew I would not be able to do that with a C-section.  Second, for the recovery time, vaginal births are supposed to be easier.  According to ultrasounds, Dr. James thought that Shepherd was going to be a pretty big baby.  He was consistently measuring ahead and she said if I waited for him to come on his own, he would likely be 9 lbs and my pelvis wouldn't be able to fit him.  So we decided to induce at 39 weeks.  We thought that would be my best chance for a vaginal delivery.
It was May 9th, my little sisters birthday.  We were supposed to be at the hospital at 8pm.  I was sooo anxious.  I cannot stand waiting!  I could hardly eat all day.
We got to the hospital and checked in, then they took us to our labor room.  I changed into my gown and Joey ran back out to the car to get all of our stuff.

I hadn't had hardly anything to eat all day, and nothing really sounded good, but when Joey suggested ice cream I said yes!  The nurse said it would be a little while before they got everything going, so Joey ran out to Culvers and got me a custard with Andes mints.

The first thing they did at the hospital, and probably the most painful thing of it all, was inserting the I.V.  Needles don't bother me as long as I don't see it.  At least they haven't until now!  They had to put the I.V in my hand because I was so swollen.  I really think I have blocked out the memory of it, but Joey said I turned really white and we both thought I was going to pass out.

My family was driving in from Owensboro and all came straight to the hospital just to say hi.  It was around 9:30pm but the hospital didn't have any strict visitor hours.

To start the induction, they used something called Cervadil, and inserted what was like a tampon, to get my cervix "ripe and ready."  I also wish I had already had the epidural for this, because I am a big freak and thought it was traumatic.

That night they gave me a sleeping pill.  Joey said he didn't sleep all night.  Before the sleeping pill kicked in, we had one of my favorite moments of my life.  Joey got in the hospital bed with me and we just lay there together and talked about how everything was going and how excited we were to meet Shepherd.  It really is one of my sweetest memories =)

Thursday morning I woke up about 6am and they gave me the drug pitocin to start contractions.  My mom was there by this point.  I had decided I wanted her and Joey with me during labor.
Contractions were sooo painful!  I was having back labor and back to back contractions.  There was a monitor showing my contractions and it also showed every other girl in labor's contractions.  Weird?  Hippa laws?  Anyway, we payed attention to my contractions and compared them to everyone else's.  Mine would go from nothing to the highest level, two right in a row.  Everyone else was having nice even contractions and mine were the worst.  They say this was because I was induced and the pitocin causes this.  Every time I would have a contraction Joey and my mom would have to massage my back and legs.  For some reason my thighs were in such bad pain too.

This went on for about 3 hours.  At 2 cm, the nurse suggested I get the epidural.  I felt like a wuss since I was only at 2 cm and had wanted to wait until 5 cm, but the nurse said I really needed it so that made me feel better.  I had always heard about people getting the epidural and having to not move during the middle of a contraction and lean forward.  My epidural was so easy, it didn't even phase me.  I never saw the needle.  I just sat on the edge of the bed and they numb the area so I didn't even feel it.  After that labor was so easy!  I literally felt like I was just hanging out!
Looking back I know I was very drugged, because I have very little memories of the rest of this day and somehow my plan to just have Joey and my mom with me turned into Joey, Mom, Dad, Hallie, Grandma, Rhonda and Caitlyn.  We just had a big party =)  But that could not have happened without major drugs because I don't like a crowd ;)

By about 5pm, nothing much was happening.  I had stalled at 5 cm and was not making much progress.  Shepherd was still very high.  Dr. James said she had to go check on another patient and then she would come check on me and make the decision if I needed a C-section.  I prayed for some major progress while we waited for her to come back!  But talking to Joey, I just decided that whatever way we needed to get Shepherd into the world would be ok and it was in God's hands.
Well, Dr. James came back and still no progress.  She made the decision that I really needed a C-section.  This was a little after 5pm and she left for the nurses to prep me for surgery.  Joey went out to the waiting room to tell everyone the news and my mom waited in the room with me.  It was so surreal thinking that now I would meet my baby in less than an hour, as opposed to how it had been going...with no idea when he would come!

One thing they had to do to prep me for surgery was have me drink this medicine.  I have no idea what it was for.  The nurse warned me, this is not going to taste good, you need to just throw it back like a shot and get it over with.  Oh my gosh, stuff like that stresses me out!!  There is something wrong with me.  Took me back to that glucose test I had to take, where I was a nervous wreck!  I told the nurse I really didn't think I could do it.  For some reason having to drink something really fast just does not work for me.  I know the nurse thought I was crazy, she told me I had to do it.  Well, I tried...I even got the whole thing down.  Then I threw the whole thing up...right in my poor mom's hands.  I love you Mom!  After that they didn't make me do it again...thank you God!

My body was shaking like crazy.  Looking back I know that was normal, but at the time I thought "I have got to control this or I'm going to mess up the whole C-section!"
And after an entire day of no desire to eat the ice chips they kept offering, I suddenly had this unquenchable thirst and they wouldn't let me have any ice!  I thought that was what was going to kill me!

Joey and my mom left to get dressed for surgery and they wheeled me to the operating room.  Once we were in there Joey was sitting up by my head, with my mom on the other side of him.
In no time, Shepherd was here!  6:31 PM on May 10th.  I could hear him crying but couldn't see him.  Finally someone brought him over where I could see him.  My first thought was, "his skin is so pretty!"  Again, in less than 24 hours another one of my favorite moments of all time =)
Joey brought him over and they laid him on my chest.  Again, at the time I thought, "what are they thinking I am going to drop him I can't even move my arms!"  In hindsight, of course someone was right there and no one was about to let me drop him!
After that, Joey and my mom left with Shepherd and Joey took him to the nursery and did Kangaroo Care with him.  That is where you hold the baby chest to chest.
Darn C-section!  Its just not fair that I was left all alone in a cold operating room!
But I'm glad Joey was able to be in the nursery with him, holding him, seeing his first bath and having that immediate bonding time.  Shepherd's APGAR score was a 9!

Here was Joey's view from the nursery:
Joey doing Kangaroo Care:

After they stitched me up, they took me back to my room and I waited for Joey to bring Shepherd to me.  Joey said between the time Shepherd came out and then it was only about 30 minutes.
Joey and I sat together in the hospital bed as I held Shepherd and nursed him for the first time.
I was so happy to finally finally finally have him!  And he looked like me!  Not what we were expecting with all of my husband's dominant features.  He has fair skin and light curly hair and blue eyes!  When Joey told me how much he weighed I couldn't believe it.  Our 9 lb baby had come out at
6 lbs 10 oz!

After this, we went to my recovery room and all of our family members took turns coming in to meet Shepherd.

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