a very hard decision.



For the past couple of months we've been struggling with a tough decision.  I am not proud of it and wish it could have been different, but we spent a lot of time deciding what we should do.  We prayed and talked and thought about what would be best for each member of our family.  We made the decision to find our St. Bernard, Chauncey a new home.  It has been heart breaking.  Although I know and am so thankful for a peace about our decision, it doesn't make it any less sad.  I've cried and cried, almost daily since we listed him on the adoption website.

Chauncey was always mine.  Joey got him when he was in college, but it didn't matter because he belonged to me.  Even before we were married, Chauncey chose me.  He loved me the most.  He was the first dog I ever really loved.  I grew up with family pets, but I'm not a dog person.  I'm sorry but I'm just not.  But Chauncey was my sweet angel and I loved him so much.  Before Joey and I were married, when I was at Joey's house, he followed me around, not Joey or his roommates.  He was just mine.  And now he's not mine. And it literally breaks my heart.

When we had Shepherd, it became too hard to give attention to our two dogs.   A little dog we could have, but not a 150+ lb St. Bernard plus our Bassett Hound, Blue.  So for over a year, we have been neglecting our pups.  I hated that. 
When I got pregnant with our second, we started thinking maybe we should find a new home for Chauncey.  We don't have the room for two dogs, one toddler and one baby and two adults.  I didn't see our situation changing.  A St. Bernard is a lot to handle, there is always hair, always drool, always dirt tracked in.  Chauncey by himself might have been different, but he and Blue riled each other up so neither of them would ever just come in and relax.  I didn't feel comfortable having two dogs and my baby crawling on the floor.  Chauncey wouldn't hurt a fly, he is the most gentle soul, but not the most gentle size...he's huge!

I prayed about his new family.  With the website I listed him on I got to choose who he would go to.  I ideally wanted a family with children old enough to love on him and give him the attention he deserved.  When I listed him I didn't expect an immediate response, but within 24 hours I had about ten calls, emails and texts.  It was overwhelming, I was still processing giving up my pup.  But the weirdest thing happened, as I was getting so many interested people, this one woman emailed me who sounded perfect, and after that not one more person called me.  I think it was meant to be.  This woman had three children and room for Chauncey to run outside and a creek by their house.  Just what I wanted for him.  We emailed back and forth and decided to meet up at the dog park so her family could meet Chauncey.
The mom said her kids were so excited they didn't sleep.  They took him that day.  I wept the whole way home.  I had a headache for the entire day from crying so much.
I hate that it came to this.  I don't see pets as disposable at all.  But we were never going to be able to give him the attention a 6 year old little boy can.  I feel good about where he is now, that he is getting all the attention he deserves, that we couldn't provide any longer.  I've spoken to his new owner since and he is being spoiled with belly rubs and every day car rides.  I will always love my Chauncey.

I want to share one memory of him.  One day I was wearing a long necklace and reached down to pet him.  He somehow got his paw stuck in my necklace and we couldn't get it out.  I was screaming for my mom to come help me.  I think most dogs would have been spazzing out.  He completely outweighed me and easily could have hurt me trying to untangle himself.  I had to almost lay on the floor because of the way we were connected.  But he was completely calm and stayed so still so I could untangle us.  Then when it was over, he punished himself and hid in the dining room for the entire day!  I kept going in there and telling him it was an accident and I wasn't mad, that he could come out, but he felt so bad he just stayed in there.  He was the best dog.


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2 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, this brought tears to my eyes -- I'm so sorry! It sounds like he's in a very happy home with lots of love. You made the best decision for your boy -- that's all any of us can do!

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  2. Thank you, Carrie. Your supportive comment means a lot!

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