Switching doctors & VBAC

With Shepherd, I had to have a C-section.  And I've never really gotten over it.  

I know the most important thing is that I have a healthy baby, and he got here just fine.  
Blah, blah.
I would probably feel different if it had been medically necessary for him to be delivered via C-section. Modern medicine is an incredible thing, and I am so grateful for it.
But, my doctor thought he was going to be a 10 lb baby.  Knowing I wanted to deliver vaginally, she suggested inducing me at 39 weeks.  She thought that otherwise he would be too big for me to deliver.
With a first pregnancy, at least for me, there is so much you don't know.  You try to learn and soak up as much knowledge as you can about everything in 9 (10) months, and still there was so much I didn't know.  Statistically, I didn't realize that with an induction, my chances of C-section were actually going up.  Long story short, I was induced at 39 weeks, pumped FULL of drugs to the point I don't really remember being in the hospital, and had a C-section for a tiny little 5th percentile, 6 lb 10 oz baby.
I hate what ifs.  And I think, if only I had let him come when he was ready.  I could have had that experience of going into labor, and delivering him the way I wanted.

Now, I really feel cheated.  Having my first baby via C-section, I feel like whatever way I deliver my next baby, is risky.  A C-section is a major surgery.  And with each C-section you have, the risks increase.  My other option is a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section).  Again, risky.  Some doctors/hospitals will not even allow them.  And it is entirely possible, even probable that I could attempt a VBAC, and still end up with a C-section, which is even riskier than a scheduled C-section.
I just feel like I don't have any great options.  The safest way to deliver a baby is vaginally, and it also has the easiest recovery.  If you have a vaginal birth, you can hold your baby immediately.  If you have a C-section you have to finish a major surgery while your entire family meets your baby before you.  You carry your child for 40 weeks, go through all the physical toll it takes on your body, then your husband is cuddling your baby in another room while you're alone on an operating table.  See...I'm not over it!

And so.  I thought a lot about it, did a lot of research.  I am choosing to opt for a VBAC.  If you look into the risks of a repeat C-section vs. the risks of a VBAC, a VBAC is the better option.  I also read, that if you only want one more kid, the risks are about the same, so if you want a C-section, go for it.  But we want lots of babies, and so a VBAC is our better option.  

Which leads me to my decision to switch doctors.  I know my doctor with Shepherd was a very intelligent, capable doctor.  But I decided to switch to using a midwife for this pregnancy.  Your chance of a vaginal delivery is greater when using a midwife, or a doctors office that follows a midwifery model of care.  Since I had to have a C-section with my original doctor, I felt that if I tried for a VBAC with her, and ended up with a C-section, I would regret having her as my doctor.  I would wonder, what if I had switched, would it have been different?  And like I said, I hate what ifs.  Now, if I do end up with a C-section, I will know that I did everything I knew to do to at least try.  I also had some issues with my doctor's staff/office environment that I didn't want to deal with again.

My midwife is wonderful.  She asked me at my last appointment how I was feeling emotionally.  Right up my alley!  


1 comment:

  1. That's so great that you're trying for a VBAC and that you switched doctors! Even though I didn't have a c-section, I felt like Hayden's birth experience was very much dictated what the doctors wanted- I had to stay in bed, I had to get pitocin, an epidural, etc. I hoping that the next time I give birth, it will be a more family-centered approach! So excited to hear more on your journey with baby #2! :)