If I'm being honest, the past few months have been really hard for me.
I remember when I was pregnant with Major, talking to women who had children less than two years apart. They would always have this look...like, they were remembering some past trauma. I always thought, "What assholes." I get it now.
I am definitely sleep deprived, but that has never really bothered me. Not that I would turn down a nap or anything, but I don't need sleep to recharge. What I need to recharge, is alone time. I love it and I need it, and it seems that I've pretty much given that up.
Staying home with them is so important to me, and I'll never stop being grateful for our ability to do so. And I never thought it would bother me, but I have gotten comments like, "But what do you DO all day?" And it bothers me because you can't put it into words. Feed, change diapers, nap time...it doesn't seem like a lot but it takes all day. And I love it, but I also a lot of the time feel like I've been hit by a truck at the end of the day (especially the days Joey works late and I have to put them both the bed!)
I got to see the VERY first time Major ever put one little chubby leg in front of the other and pushed himself forward, and realized he can crawl. I was right next to him, cheering him on the VERY first time he pulled himself up, to look into the bathtub as it filled up with water. I watched him, the VERY first time he thought about getting up into the sitting position on his own, and I could see his little brain turning and trying to figure out how to move his legs and arms, and I cheered for him when he figured it out.
To me, I am doing the most important work I can do, and that makes it worth it.