worth it.

If I'm being honest, the past few months have been really hard for me.  
I remember when I was pregnant with Major, talking to women who had children less than two years apart.  They would always have this look...like, they were remembering some past trauma.  I always thought, "What assholes."  I get it now.

I am definitely sleep deprived, but that has never really bothered me.  Not that I would turn down a nap or anything, but I don't need sleep to recharge.  What I need to recharge, is alone time.  I love it and I need it, and it seems that I've pretty much given that up.

Staying home with them is so important to me, and I'll never stop being grateful for our ability to do so. And I never thought it would bother me, but I have gotten comments like, "But what do you DO all day?"  And it bothers me because you can't put it into words.  Feed, change diapers, nap time...it doesn't seem like a lot but it takes all day.  And I love it, but I also a lot of the time feel like I've been hit by a truck at the end of the day (especially the days Joey works late and I have to put them both the bed!) 

I got to see the VERY first time Major ever put one little chubby leg in front of the other and pushed himself forward, and realized he can crawl.  I was right next to him, cheering him on the VERY  first time he pulled himself up, to look into the bathtub as it filled up with water.  I watched him, the VERY first time he thought about getting up into the sitting position on his own, and I could see his little brain turning and trying to figure out how to move his legs and arms, and I cheered for him when he figured it out.  

To me, I am doing the most important work I can do, and that makes it worth it.
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Everyday 2014 // 10.20

October 20th:
We went over to play with Tressie and Mills.  This picture was taken before Shepherd locked himself in Mills' bedroom by himself and Tressie and I spent about half an hour panicking trying to figure out how to get him out.  We ended up calling my go-to handy man, and I cried to him on the phone. Luckily before he made it to her house I got the door open.  Later that night Tressie called me to say Mike went through every tool in their house and found the key ;)

October 21:
Joey had to work late so I put both of the boys to bed.  Shepherd is in a stage right now where he wants you to hold his hand while he falls asleep.  So when I was putting him to bed, I'm sitting on the floor in the dark with my arm inside the crib, holding his hand.  Then I realized my arm was STUCK.  Like, up to my elbow. Again, my second panic attack in two days over this child!  He is crying thinking I'm not going to hold his hand and I'm just trying to think straight.  I literally ripped my arm out and had a big bruise. Luckily I got it out because it was another 2 hours before Joey got home. 
(This picture is obviously of no relation to my story ;)

October 22:
Joey's work Halloween party. The cutest little elephant I've ever seen!

October 24:
This boy exudes happiness and joy.  Also, this is exactly what I looked like at 2 1/2 years old.

October 25:
My sister in law's Bachelorette party. 

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5 years

October 17 was our 5 year wedding anniversary, and 10 years since we started dating.
Lots of great memories, but I'm more excited for the future :)

To celebrate our 5 year anniversary, Joey and I decided to get out of town for the night.  This was my first time ever leaving both of the boys, so I was a little nervous, and didn’t want to go too far.   My parents and my grandma came up to stay with Shep and Maj, and we went to Cincinnati for the night.  

We had a couples massage and pedicure.

^^ Waiting for the couples massage. Joey will love that I used that picture ;)

Then we headed to our hotel and relaxed before dinner.  It is one of my favorite things to be able to get ready and not be in a rush.  
This was one of Joey's instagrams from the weekend:

Dinner at Maggianos:

Dinner was delicious...Joey called his lobster carbonara "life changing".

Back at the hotel we had red velvet cake (which was what the top layer of our wedding cake was) and we found a wine with the number 5 on it, so we had to get it.  That night we slept 9 STRAIGHT hours, then woke up and had breakfast in bed.  

On the drive home.  

Before going back we had lunch at Texas Roadhouse (where else?).  Shepherd and Major did great with my parents and Major even slept through the night, which is a little hit or miss these days.

I think Shepherd missed us because he stayed in one of our laps for the entire night.  You can't see him because he is hiding in his "tent."  If any light gets through he tells you to shut the door, haha.

So much has changed in the last 5 years, I can't wait to see where we are in 5 more :)
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Shepherd "right now"

I wrote this post in August, but never published it...so it is a little outdated ;)
I guess I could have titled it Shepherd in August...

His favorite thing to watch is the Egg video.  It is on Youtube and he begs for my phone to watch "my eggs my eggs!"  It is the weirdest thing ever.  This asian woman, and all you can see are her hands, and she opens up these collector "Eggs" with Disney or whatever themed toys inside.  She always has crazy nail polish with Hello Kitty stickers on her nails, and sometimes she doesn't even talk, just opens the eggs.  He's an odd child ;)

Shep is very polite.  He says please, thanks and sorry and bless you. I hope he continues to be a little gentleman/  

His new thing is he thinks its funny to run away from me in public.  I have had a few close calls and thankfully I've always had a friend with me so I can leave Major with them while I chase Shep.  Most recently, we were at the library and my friend Tara was with us. We were literally both standing there watching him play and all of a sudden I'm like "where did he go?!" Thank God this other mom saw him and pointed me in the right direction it I would have not looked in time to see him running out the door to the other part of the library. So I had to chase him through the quiet section, where I couldn't see him through all of the book shelves, but I could hear his little cackle.  I will be purchasing a leash soon.

His vocabulary has taken off in the past month or so. He is speaking in lots of longer sentences, 5-6-7 words. It is so nice now that he can tell me exactly what he wants.

I am still trying to figure out the best way to discipline him. I try to at least always follow through with my threats, and I try to never bribe him. I want him to act right because he should, not expect a reward for doing what he should do anyway. But I really have no idea what I'm doing. We've done Time out and he seems to understand why and he apologizes when I come back in his room. I ask him what he did to be put in time out then I explain why we can't do that (the other day it was running into the street!) and ask him to say he's sorry. I also spank him if he's really bad but I feel too bad to actually spank him hard so I'm pretty sure he doesn't even realize it's happening. Ugh parenting is difficult.

He has started randomly running up to Joey and I to give us a big hug.

He is a comedian.  Like I don't just think he's funny in a 'toddlers are so funny' kind of way.  He is thought out and witty.  SNL.

He is super dramatic if he ever gets hurt.  And he always gets a reaction so now he has started making up injuries.  He'll fall down and exclaim over and over, "my toe! my toe!" until you kiss it and he says "thanks" and moves on.  The other day we were playing outside and he hit my toe with his little lawnmower on accident.  "Oh no! Mommy's toe, mommy's toe."  Then he bent down and kissed my foot.  God love him.

These are some of my favorite pictures, ever.  
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I had never imagined myself as a Boy Mom, but with two all to myself, here I am, it is Official.
And I really really like it.
I don't have any experience with girls, other than being one, but I am noticing so many things that are just so BOY to me.  
These boys just like to MOVE, they growl at each other and are already "wrestling."  Can we talk about moving, again?  Because they don't stop, ever.  

I cooked an entire meal with Shepherd standing under my dress.

The other day I was trying to change Shepherd's diaper and he was fighting me on it and I got distracted with Major and so he was running around half naked.  At that exact moment this very attractive, put together couple in their Lexus pulled up and knocked on my door (they were selling something) and Shep answered the door with his bare bottom.  They hightailed it out of there pretty quickly ;)

A few weekends ago we went to the pumpkin patch, but the main attraction was the "big yellow bus, Mama!"

Matching outfits from Grammy, Shep insisted on sticking the price tag on his little brother.

Finding toy cars in my makeup bag.

It is my goal to encourage their "boy-ness" and let them get messy and rough, but still raise little gentlemen.  When Shep gets crazy I tell him I'm raising angels, not Lost Boys.
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WSW: on one of the first cool Fall days

 ^^^ Zoolander face ;) ^^^

We had to go to the mall last Friday so Joey could get fitted for a tux, and on the way we passed the Disney store and Shep insisted we go in.  He carried around a Mickey doll and picked out a pirate ship :)
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the perfect fall day.

A few weeks ago we went to a pumpkin patch and had the perfect fall day.
My sweet little Major.
 Shep unpacking an entire basket of gourds.
 Heading in with Aunt Courtney and Matthew.
 Perfect fall days include Llama llama.
 That little blonde head sticking out of the third bucket is my little Shep and my heart BROKE watching him ride that all by himself!  I didn't think he should go, I was worried he would want to climb out.  But he went and he was so excited and so tiny he could barely see out and he sat so still and wanted to go again and again.  Ahhhh he is growing up so fast.

 Major hanging out with Nana.

Hayride to pick out our pumpkins.  

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