Baby #3 is a...


BOY!!
Shepherd and Major will have a sweet little brother in March!  I cannot wait to see Major as a big brother.  He has a really sweet side and I think he will love having a baby to take care of.  I think he'll be very concerned about making sure the baby is happy!

So, our plan was to NOT find out the gender.  We wanted it to be a surprise and figured now is a good time to not be super planned out.  Since we're renting we won't be doing a nursery, and thats my favorite part of preparing for a baby, so I was fine waiting until the delivery.  I was actually really excited, imagining how special it would be to not find out until he/she was born.
Well.  My first appointment was at 14 weeks and I had an ultrasound.  I told the tech that I knew 14 weeks was usually early to tell, but JUST IN CASE, we DO NOT want to know.  She starts the ultrasound and says to us, "Well, your baby is developed enough, that if you wanted to know, I could tell you."
UM. How hard is to just not say anything? That is like when you haven't seen the latest episode of your favorite show and someone says, "OK well just so you know You're going to love it!"  Then you're like, I'm going to love it? So what does that mean? I know what I love about this show, I know what I want to happen, so does that mean it happens?  Then you're having all of these thoughts and already wondering what it means and having a guess.  
So the tech says that, and my immediate thought is, "If something is developed enough, its obviously a boy.  If it was a girl there wouldn't be anything there and she'd probably think its too early to tell the gender." So I don't want to spend the next 6 months analyzing what she meant, so I just told her to tell us.  Actually I told Joey to make the call and he said to just tell us. 
And of course it was a boy! I knew it.  Actually I didn't.  I thought it was a girl.  I always think its a girl.  
I'm going to be honest, and I don't feel bad saying this.  I don't feel bad because I think anyone who knows me knows how much I love my boys and I know without a doubt they know how much I love them.  I know my face lights up when they walk in the room. (Oprah? Anyone?)
But I have cried every single time I found out I was having a boy.
With Shep I was clueless how much I would love him and just wanted a girl.  But I got over it quickly with the excitement of a baby.  With Major I cried, but again got over it quickly because I was excited for Shep to have a brother close in age.  This time I just can't stop thinking about them growing up.  Going from 1 to 2, I honestly worried I wouldn't love Major as much.  I just couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as I loved Shepherd. As soon as he was born those worries went away and I was just as obsessed with both of them.  Now with Baby #3, I don't worry at all about loving him or anything like that.  I know love multiplies.  
Three boys! This is my fear.  Yes, boys love their mom.  I'll be the queen of my home.  But that ends when they get married.  Right?  Not them loving me, but me being the queen of them all.  I don't want to raise Mama's boys.  Not in the long run.  A 3 year old mama's boy is sweet.  A 30 year old mama's boy, not so much.  Girls grow up and get married and still call their moms everyday, tell their moms every little detail, down to what they had for lunch.  In the car the other day with my grandma, we had my mom on speaker phone and my grandma asked my mom what she served for lunch.  Can you imagine a man talking to his mom about what they ate that day?  I guess its dumb for anyone to talk about their lunch, but you get the point.
I want my boys to grow up, get married, and have their wife.  Thats the way its supposed to be.  But I literally get a lump in my throat every time I am out and see a mother and daughter shopping together.  None of my sons are going to peruse Hobby Lobby with me.
I know (hope) I'll probably look back at myself and laugh at my worries. But for now I'm going to focus even more energy on praying for my future daughter in laws and being intentional about creating a family my boys will grow up in and still want to hang out with us when they don't have to ;)

And who wouldn't be excited about more of THIS!

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5 comments:

  1. Congratulations again! I love how honest you were here. Honestly, I've had the same thoughts about having a 3rd because when I picture our life, I picture Hayden with 2 sisters. But, if it eases your heart at all, my brother probably hangs out at my parents' house more than my sister or me (well, obviously now ;) and he's 28...

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    1. Thanks girl! That makes me feel better about your brother ;)

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  2. Hi! I stumbled across your blog awhile ago and have been a reader ever since, but this is the first time I felt I should comment. First off- CONGRATS! Babies are the best and I'm happy for you and your family! Man, I could soooo identify with your post though, as a mama of two boys. I love my boys so much, but I too LONG (and hope and pray!) for a daughter. I also cried when I found out my second was in fact, another boy :( My mom and I are best friends and it makes me sad thinking that I might never have that.. it's like you said, our boys will love us forever but they won't be calling us when they're 25 asking about a recipe, or advice on love, or to meet up for a coffee and Target date. I get sad thinking that I might never have a daughter to help plan her wedding with, or a daughter that leans on me to help guide through her first pregnancy... Honestly, I often wonder what I will do when my boys are grown and they don't "need" me anymore, the way a daughter seems to always "need" her mama. And I always feel so guilty when I try to talk to my husband (or my family/friends/co-workers) about it. It's so hard to articulate how your heart feels about something like this... I don't know about you, but I almost feel like something's missing from my life and that "something" can only be filled by having a daughter. I know some people don't understand that and it's hard to say outloud, but it's real. I often have wondered why God put the strong desire in my heart to have a daughter if I'm never going to have one? I pray about it a lot... I'm sorry that I can't really offer any words of encouragement, because I'm still navigating the waters myself- but I wanted you to know that you're definitely not alone in your feelings, and it's ok to be a little sad. Thanks for your honesty...praying for a continued healthy pregnancy for you!

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    1. Yes! I call my mom daily and want to have that! I've thought about planning a wedding, being there when grandbabies are born! Moms of girls get all the access ;) We want one more baby (well I want one more, Joey wants two more...) so maybe next time. It is a weird thing to talk about because I in no way would love my sons more if they were girls. I am obsessed with them. Thank you so much for commenting! Its always surprising to me when someone says they read this, haha! I love it!

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    2. I read a lot of "mommy" type blogs, and I always gravitate to the ones that are authentic... the ones where they show real life, and not a "picture perfect pinterest" life all the time. your blog is very relatable and I applaud you honesty! I look forward to more honest posts like this :) Take care!

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