Breaker Blue is One!




I know its so cliche to say, but we blinked and Breaker turned a year old. His entire life has been a whirlwind.  From finding out I was pregnant with him the day before we got on a plane to move across the country, to having him in Utah, in a hospital and area we weren't super familiar with, to moving back across the country on a moment's notice, to being "homeless" for 2 months straight while we house hunted...I'm so glad he is such an easy going, happy baby. I'm glad we survived his first year!  The baby stage is my favorite, but since this is my 3rd time around, I know more than ever that it just keeps getting better.

Breaker Blue,
I love you so much.  I could literally just eat you.  You are so cute, its just not right.

You are the most loved little baby.  Not only by me and your daddy, but you have brothers who adore you! They talk about how cute you are, they love to hug you and each run to squeeze you before you go down for naps.  They almost exclusively call you "Breaker Bug." Shepherd is so sweet with you, putting in the time, playing peek a boo and making you laugh. Major is so good about giving you a paci when you're upset, even though he also will steal it from you every chance he gets. You get woken up, almost every day, because no matter how many times I tell them, they refuse to let you sleep all morning when they are ready to play with you!

For the past few months, you preferred to nurse to sleep and then immediately get in your crib. But lately you've been wanting me to rock you after you finish nursing.  We snuggle in the chair in your room and sing songs.  I always sing "your" song..."Daughter" that was playing when you were born. Whenever I hear that song, even though that was such a hard day and delivery for me, its like the mind just numbs you to all of the hard stuff, because when I hear that song, all I feel is joy and remembering exactly how I felt, laying there on the operating table, waiting for you, and the doctor holding you up to the clear drape I had requested so I could see you as soon as possible, and the immediate love and pride I felt in seeing you and your head of dark hair.

You've learned how to shake your head "no" and sometimes when you're doing something you're not supposed to (like pulling on plants!) I'll look at you and say "no, no, no, Breaker" and you'll look at me and smile and shake your head, then do it anyway and laugh.  I've wondered a few times if you're going to be the comedic relief of our family.

You are such a good little eater.  You'll eat anything, but you love ham and hard boiled eggs the most (except for not the "yellow" as your brothers call it.)  When I pull the ham out of the fridge, you get so excited, and usually go for seconds.  And lets not forget that you literally ate the entire smash cake at your first birthday party.  You know those are really just for cute pictures, but you were like "Challenge Accepted" when you saw that entire cake in front of you. ;)

You know how to do things already, that I never taught you.  For months I thought you hated water, or just weren't ready for a sippy cup, because every time I gave you your baby cup, you would throw it.  Then one day, you found Major's cup on the floor and picked it up and downed the entire thing! I couldn't believe you knew how to use a straw, and I felt so bad that I had been denying you water for so long by giving you the wrong cup. You also knew how to eat out of a fruit pouch.  I had been spoon feeding you whenever I gave you pureed baby food, and one day for some reason you had a fruit pouch, and I assumed you'd get it everywhere.  But no, you surprised me again by eating the entire thing and not spilling a drop on your very first try.  Maybe its because you see your brothers doing stuff? You're going to be learning stuff early your whole life.

You are such a mommy's boy, and I love how much you love me! I'm like a rockstar to you :) The other weekend, Daddy had you and your brothers outside while I took a shower.  I guess it had been too long since you'd seen me, because when I came out to see you, you almost flipped the high chair you were sitting in over from bouncing up and down.  You were literally clapping and grinning at the sight of me.  I wish I had it on video.

You love the bathtub, more than anyone I've ever seen.  You're tall enough now that you can actually fit your leg up on the side, so I have to watch you and not let you climb in and fall when I'm not looking.  I swear, as long as I live, I will never see a cuter sight than your little naked rolls, splashing around the bath.

Breaker Bug, thank you for giving us something to be happy about, when we've had a year that has been hard in a lot of other ways.  I'm sorry that your first year has been so crazy, but I don't think you've noticed. In the days after Nana's death, everyone commented about how glad they were I had you with me at all times, because you brought a smile to everyone's face and gave them a happy distraction.  I couldn't have done that if you'd been anything other than the perfect baby.  You go to anyone, you go with the flow, you can eat or sleep anywhere.  I seriously lucked out with you.

My prayer for you is that you live a Big life.  What that means is up to you. I just want you to be able to look back on your life and be proud.  I want you to live a life you love.  I want you to have unshakeable joy.  For you to have fun and seek adventures, that you seek wisdom and know the value of honesty, integrity, loyalty...all the good stuff.
I pray that you realize, early in life, that you need a Savior.  Life is not always easy, I am just now finding this out. But life is SO much easier when you know, really know, that it is all already ok.  That you have a Father, who is bigger than it all.  When you know that, your joy does not go away when life is "down."
I want you to find your passion.  I can't wait to know what it is, and I promise to help you thrive with it. I want you to be confident. I want you to know the value of surrounding yourself with good friends, who are also good people.  Friends who lift you up.  I want you to know that you become like the people you are around the most, and I want you to fiercely guard that.
I want you to also guard your heart and mind.  I want you to fill your mind with good thoughts, your conversations with people who talk about ideas and places and laughter, and not mean words or sinful talk.

Being your mom is my hardest job, my greatest privilege, and the thing I promise to work the hardest at for my whole life.

Happy birthday, I love you.

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