Baby #4 31 week Update

^Beginning of third trimester^

I am currently 31 weeks, although if you ask me I have to check my What to Expect app to make sure. 

All of my pregnancies have been the same. I have it super easy other than I gain a ton of weight and by the third trimester I'm miserable. No vomiting or morning sickness, just nauseous in the beginning and grossed out by most food, so I am the pickiest eater when I'm pregnant. I hate meat.

Right now she is as big as a coconut! Shep loves to hear what food she is each week, he thinks its so funny!

I am having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Usually more at the night because I'm on my feet pretty much all day. You just never get to sit down with three kids. If you start to relax they sense it ;) I also have the annoying issue of my legs going numb all the time. When I'm on my feet too long I'll have to go sit down until I get feeling back. One of my other kids did that to me too, I think it way Shepherd. My midwife said she is pressing on a nerve.

I am craving ice like crazy. Yesterday I actually took my glass of ice in the shower with me because I had to wash my hair and I didn't want to go that long without it. I know I'm craving ice because my iron levels are low, I'm taking supplements for it. 

As for the's Joey and Breaker taking down his crib so Joey could paint, then the paint color we chose and one of the wallpaper options I really like. Other nursery plans...she will use the Jenny Lind style crib we had for Major, but we plan on painting it. I am also on the hunt for the perfect floral wallpaper to go on the wall behind her crib. 
Before we painted, I wrote a few Bible verses on the wall inside her closet:

After paint and new carpet:
Poor Breaker is my only child who's never had a full out nursery just for him. He's currently sleeping in a pink bedroom and will be until we decide to move her in. She'll sleep in our room for the first 6 months, just like her brothers. By the time she's ready to move into her own room, Breaker will be 2.5 and hopefully ready for a big boy bed. Then we'll move him in with Shep and Maj. It will be a little crowded but I don't want any of our kids in a bedroom on the other side of the house too far away from us. Plus the boys are so excited for Breaker to move in with them.  They seriously love him so much.

Shep and Maj talk about her all the time. Breaker is too little to understand it, but he will give my belly kisses when you ask where the baby is. The other day Shepherd and Major were hugging on Breaker and trying to get him to love on them. They are so good with him, nearly 2 years later and they still act like he's brand new. I know they are going to be so precious with a little sister. Anyway, when they were hugging on Breaker, Shep said that Breaker was "his baby." So Major said, that's fine, his sister will be his. So sweet. 

She does have a name, and her initials are CRL. I also have this oversize monogram to put in her nursery:
Its not a secret and I will tell anyone who asks me. We just aren't putting her name on social media until she is born. I kind of secretly love when people do that because I literally get excited and stalk their Insta's all day to hear the name lol.

We still have not scheduled the C-section, but I'm assuming they'll do it at the end of February. 
I'm seeing a midwife for the pregnancy, but since midwives cannot perform surgery, I have to pick a different doctor in the practice. The one I met with at my appointment last week, I did not like at all. I'm hoping for better luck when I try a different one at my next appointment. 
I spent Breaker's entire pregnancy trying to be Kumbaya about the whole thing, even though I was so anxious about the C-section. Then I ended up having a near panic attack on the operating table and the anesthesiologist basically knocked me out. This time I realize I am not someone who can be mind over matter, at least not in this situation. Now I'm like, I need drugs. 
(More about why I'm having a C-section in this post.)

So I think I mentioned that I was really excited to have a posterior placenta with this pregnancy. All my boys were anterior and I never felt them move a lot, and not until the end of the pregnancy. I definitely felt her move earlier, and it is more in the front of my belly, whereas the boys I felt more on the sides. But it is not what I expected. People always act like they are getting kicked in the ribs and can't sleep from the baby moving and that has not been my experience at all, and I thought it finally would be with a posterior placenta for the first time.

After Breaker was born I wrote this post and mentioned my midwife in Utah telling me there is something about the third pregnancy that is harder than any of them. I thought she was just trying to make me feel better because I was miserable, but my midwife here told me the same thing! Well I am here to report, I back up this claim. My fourth pregnancy has been easier than my third. Yes, with my third I think it was harder because I didn't have anyone to help or babysit or ever get a break, and I was living a Utah winter and basically a shut in. But even with that in consideration, this pregnancy has been easier on me.

Sleep has gotten really hard. I toss and turn all night, except its so hard to turn over. Also I can't breathe. All of my pregnancies I've been congested pretty much from the beginning. I also am out of breath all the time just from my lungs being crowded.

I *think* this will be our last baby. I'm not going to say 100% sure on that yet, because Joey would love more and honestly if I didn't have to go through a pregnancy and C-section I would too. I love big families and I'm obsessed with our kids so I just want more of them ;)
But I do feel good about four. I told Joey the other day, when Shepherd was a baby I would cry at the drop of a hat thinking about him growing up and worrying if I was soaking it all in enough, etc. Now nearly four kids later and some perspective, I KNOW I have soaked it all in as much as one possibly could. I have enjoyed everything, I have been present and Lord knows I have documented it ALL. I think I'm at a place where I can really enjoy knowing this is my last baby and being ok with it, and just soaking it all in.
Who knows though, I'll probably have another baby in 2020.

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2018 Word of the Year

Every year Joey and I pick a “Word for our Year.” Not necessarily a resolution, just something we want to focus on, something to guide our decisions and something we hope we’ll look back on December 31st and be able to say we succeeded. With 2016 ending the way it did, we entered 2017 tired and weary and hopeful and in desperate need of REST, so that was our word for this year. Well within a few months we realized Rest is not in the cards for us, so we adjusted and changed our Word of the Year to SETTLE. We’re in a new house, in a new town, we’ve spent this year getting comfortable and creating the home we want and just getting settled. 

This was an “underground” year for us. No flower blooms year round. We were really just focused on getting our feet on solid ground.

“There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the Heavens...
A time to plant and a time to uproot...
A time to tear down and a time to build...
A time to mourn and a time to dance...
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them...”

Our word for 2018 is LISTEN. We pray all the time, but how often do we sit in silence, how often are we STILL, reallllly trying to hear God’s voice? We want to spend the next year really seeking God’s will and listening for what’s next for our family.  God can dream a bigger dream than we could ever imagine for ourselves, and we don’t want to let it pass us by because we’re too busy to see it. 

After doing this for years, I can look back and see how spending a year focusing on one thing has developed/shaped my character. One year our word was intentional. I can truly say that everything I do (or don’t do) especially since becoming a parent, is intentional. 
The year we decided to embrace change, really did end up changing us forever. That year taught us so many lessons, especially about what we're capable of and how God is always taking care of us. Taking a year to settle reminded me that life needs “ups” and “downs.” Not that this year was a down, but it’s a year of rest and that’s necessary. 

I also chose a secondary word for myself this year. Lately I've really had this yearning to CREATE. I've always considered myself an artistic person, but any outlet for that gets put on the back burner because my main focus is my kids. At the end of the day I'm so exhausted that I just want to lay on the couch and zone out.  I'm also pretty much always pregnant ;) I love writing and blogging, I love to paint, I love decorating our home. I want to force myself to find the time to do more of those "life-giving" things this year. I really believe doing something creative wakes up a different part of your brain and energizes you in a way nothing else can. 

Cheers to 2018!
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